Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
