Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
your thong is hanging out like whoa
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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