I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
