Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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