Define "chronic" masturbator.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
