just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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