Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
