Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
