yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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