I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
