It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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