Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
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THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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