grandma shit on top of the toilet
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
