things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
