Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Help. Why am I so naked?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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