So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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