I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
