Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
