apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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