Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
