this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
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30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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