Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
