using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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