she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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