I just threw up on my dentist
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
