this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
