I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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