I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Randomize
