I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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