Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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