does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
