no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
