he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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