lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
