Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
