Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
