I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
