The maid of honor just puked.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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