the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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