why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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