you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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