fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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