I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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