I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
