I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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