i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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