we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
