if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
