I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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