I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
