I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
