let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
