when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
