Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
