I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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