You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
