Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
ttyl tear gas
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
