you traded sex for a burrito?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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