I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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