can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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