I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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