By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
