No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
