if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
