im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
