Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
