Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize