he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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