Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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